W.A.L.T: Write a narrative
Success Criteria
I know I will be successful when….
- The title is suitable for the text.
- The orientation tells who the story is about, and when and where the story happened.
- The complication describes a problem and explains what happened next.
- The resolution explains how the problem was solved.
- Seeks feedback and makes changes to texts to improve clarity and meaning.
In Ako Ngatahi we had to write a narrative about a video. It was about a boy opening a present that was a dog with three legs. Here is the video of the present. I hope you enjoy my story.
The Present
The Golden Lab
Today I was playing on the Xbox when Mum came in with a box. I looked at the box and wondered what was in there. I thought it was the lego set I wanted until Mum said “Go and play with the present I got you.” I opened up the box and there was a cute little puppy, he had a layer of yellow fur, big, brown eyes and a velvet black nose. “Take it out, take it out!” The voice inside my head said. I saw it had three legs. “That's disgusting”, said the voice inside my head. “Arghh, get lost.” I said throwing it on the floor.
The puppy saw a red ball that was under the cupboard and ran to fetch it. He bumped his head on the door then crawled under to get it. Oh, how cute. He brought the ball back to me and I kicked it. He ran after it and I carried on with my game, thinking I like this puppy because he is cute and clumsy.
He dropped the ball to scratch his ear, the ball rolled to me and grabbed my crutches, picked up the ball. I hobbled to the front door. I shouted “Mum, we will be outside.” We went out and started to play fetch. As we played I was thinking of a name for him, Teddy, Charlie, Toby, I finally settled on Teddy. It was pretty cool having a friend like myself. After all, I am missing half a leg too.
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THE END!
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Mikayla, you have used awesome descriptive language to describe the pup and given us plenty of good examples of his character. You used speech marks well and your sentence structure is good. I am very impressed that you listened to the feedback after your first draft and better outlined your resolution. The first sentence in the last paragraph doesn't make sense so please make sure that you proofread your work carefully. I can't wait to read more of your writing! Keep doing your best!
ReplyDeleteHi Mikayla, Great descriptive writing honey well done xx
ReplyDeleteThanks Mum!
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